The Kids' Latest...

MASON:
So, Friday nights are late night movie night for Hannah and Mason. They get to watch movies in mommy and daddy's room until they fall asleep...and Kevin and I get to watch whatever else we want in the living room. Well, this past Friday was one of those nights. Kevin and I are in the living room watching something (probably catching up on our DVR'd stuff from the week), and Mason comes running in. He says, "Daddy! Daddy! I've got a secret for you!)

Well, Mason is big on secrets. He loves to tell us sweet little secrets like "I love you", or "You're the best", and other things like that. And his secrets are never that secretive, since he hasn't mastered the art of whispering.

So naturally, we didn't think anything of it, and we were prepared to hear the usual. So Mason runs in and climbs up into Kevin's lap. He leans in to Kevin's ear, cups his hand around his mouth to really shield this secret from me, and in his loud "whispering" voice he says, "I tooted on Hannah's face!"

At first Kevin and I are speechless. But that quickly turns into Kevin's typical kind of hysterical laughter where he can't help but writhe in his chair. And I (being the grown up) try to stiffle my laughter and tell him that that was not nice, and he should not be doing that. So, he just runs back to our bedroom laughing all the way.

Well, not more than 2 minutes later he comes back into the living room. He says, "Do I have to go to bed now? Hannah's asleep." We say, "No, you can stay up a little later." And then it dawns on us. I say, "Mason, was Hannah asleep when you tooted on her?!"

With the cutest devilish look on his face he says, "Noooo". And he giggles mischieviously as he runs away.

OMG! What a normal, disgusting brother he is!!


HANNAH:
So, Im bringing Hannah home from school one day last week. As we're driving down the road, she says, "Mommy? If you saw a tiger, would it try to eat you?"

Well, as random as that was, I give her a straight answer. "Well, honey, it depends". Not wanting her to be afraid when we go to the zoo I say,"If we were at the zoo, no it wouldn't try to eat me. It would be in its cage, and I would be a safe distance away. That would not happen." But also trying to be honest, I explain, "But if I were in the jungle, and it was just me and the tiger...then, yes. After all, I'm just meat to a tiger."

She looks and sounds confused when she says, "What do you mean, you're meat?" I say, "Well, people are just another kind of animal. Tigers eat other animals for their meat. So, I'm sure it would just look at a person as another animal...as meat."

She still looks and sounds confused when she says, "Oh. Well, I knew we were beans. But not meat."

Now I look and sound confused when I ask, "Honey, what do you mean you knew we were beans?"

She matter-of-factly says, "You know...we're human beans."

OMG, I fought back the laughter and the urge to just gush about how cute she was, and I explained "Oh, you mean human beings. The word is be-ings...not beans."

To this, she gives me the standard "Uncle Joel face" (for those of you who don't know, it's pretty much just a look of puzzlement mixed with shock and frustration at how stupid the other person is) and tries to wrap her mind around the word. "Be-ings?! Really? Huh. That's a wierd word."

I'm thinking really? The fact that you thought we were beans was OK, but realizing we're meat and learning a new word is too much for you?