Dear So and So...

OK, so this is not an original idea of mine by any means. I've seen several of the blogs that I follow do posts like this...I guess it's my turn. Usually they are sarcastic rants, and some of mine are, too. However, I may have some equally snarky but less negative ones as well. Here goes...


Dear Crappy Linoleum Floor,

I am so tired of having to look at you every day. You're faded, ugly, scratched up, scuffed up, and even if I mop or scrub on my hands and knees, you ALWAYS look dirty!! Even the Shark steam mop wouldn't work on you...I guess it only works on floors that aren't the cheapest ever made.

Frustrated and Slightly Disgusted,
Cakes



Dear Mason,

How is it that you can look SO impossibly cute when you're being naughty?! How is it that you can still tell me that I look beautiful when my hair looks like Rita Rudner's, I have no makeup on, and I'm sitting on the toilet?! How is it that you don't like ANY fruits?! I can understand not liking vegetables, but fruits, too?! I mean, you actually threw up when trying to eat a grape. A grape!!

Flabbergasted,
Mommy



Dear Laundry,

I don't mind gathering you, sorting you, washing you, and drying you. But I REALLY don't like folding you or putting you away. I don't know what it is! It's not like it's hard, I just don't like it. Folding you and putting you away is right up there with cleaning the bathrooms for me...I can't explain it.

It's not you...it's me,
Cakes



Dear Hannah,

How are you growing up so fast?! You're going to be a 2nd grader soon...I can't believe it! For someone who's so smart and loves learning so much, why is it that when I try to teach you something (or even work with you on homework) it suddenly becomes this huge chore that you don't want to do?! You have a sense of humor that I love, but you also have your father's ability to push my buttons.

Amazed,
Mommy



Dear TV,

I know this dependency I have for you may be considered sad by some, but I don't see it that way. Watching so much of you helps make grading papers, folding laundry, doing lesson plans, etc. not quite so miserable. Thank you for making my Thursday nights so enjoyable for so many years (from the Cosby Show to Friends to Grey's Anatomy and Community). Thank you for giving me something to look forward to almost every night of the week. Thank you for giving me reasons to laugh and excuses to cry.

Hopelessly (maybe even sadly) Devoted,
Cakes



Dear Dog Next Door,

Do you really have to bark ALL of the time?! Do your owners not know how annoying you are? Or are they just as annoyed by you as we are, which gives them no other solution than to stick you outside and share their annoyance with the world? Is that why you're so mean and angry? Is that why you like to scare kids? I'm sorry your owners won't let you inside very much, I really am. But I'm even more sorry that we have to pay the price. Will you PLEASE STOP BARKING?!

Your Annoyed Neighbor,
Cakes