Here's the Thing...

OK, I'm going to use this blog as a place for me to vent, ask for advice/thoughts, and just get my thoughts out there.

The thing is...I love "teaching"...but I'm not that crazy about being a "teacher". Let me explain. Teaching is great. I like working with the kids (yes, even the trouble ones I gripe about). I find it very satisfying to take them from where they are at the beginning of the year to where they end up at the end of the year. I hate all of the stuff that goes along with it: lesson plans, grading papers, paper work, dealing with parents, etc. But even with all of that, if I could get it all done in a normal 40 or even 45 hour work week, it would probably be fine. But as it is I work 50+ hours a week and still bring an average of 1-2 hours of work home with me every day. It's too much.

The thing is...I love "planning lessons"...but I don't like "lesson planning". Let me explain. I love planning really great lessons. Lessons that go deep, encourage kids to think at a higher level, integrate different subject areas, are hands-on, etc. are fun for the kids and are fun for me to teach. Coming up with great activities utilizes my creative side and is fulfilling. But I don't like cramming so much stuff into a day that is already so full. I don't like having to cut meaty lessons down in order to get everything done each day. I don't like gathering materials, spending my own money, and often using my own time in order to get them done each week.

The thing is...although a Master's Degree sound great, I'm not sure it would be useful to me. Sure, an education is never a waste. Sure, continuing education is a great way to better oneself. But those are usually things that people who have time, energy, and/or a specific career path in mind say. I know my limitations. I'm not a public speaker. Kids are fine. My friends are fine. But anything other than that is not good for me. Even my co-workers that I see every day...if I have to speak in front of them for any reason, I get hot, my voice gets shaky, and I just don't do well. I also know that, unfortunately, I don't love any one subject enough to devote a Masters Degree to it. My medication makes me very fatigued as it is...not to mention the fact that once I'm home, I still have a house to clean, meals to cook, laundry to do, as well as kids and a husband to take care of. Some days, I find it hard enough to make it through the day as it is, without having to worry about going to school on top of that. I don't know if I'm physically up to it.

The thing is...I'm not even sure that education is what I want to do for the rest of my life. But aside from food service and selling eye glasses, it's the only thing I know. What else could I do? What else would I be qualified for? What would I be good at? What else would I enjoy? It would need to be something semi-challenging to stimulate my mind at least a little and keep it interesting. It would need to be something that pays more than what I'm making now, in order for me to pay for after school care and daycare during the summer. Where would I even start? As much as people say I would be a good administrator (whether in education or not) and as much as I take that as a compliment, I'm not sure that I would. I don't do well with conflict. First of all, I avoid it at all costs and usually add unnecessary stress to my life in the process. Secondly, if conflict ever arises, I rarely stand my ground...I usually give in. Thirdly, I worry a lot about what other people think of me...I can't stand the idea of someone being mad at me. And if there were any particularly intense issue, I'm confident I wouldn't be able to maintain my composure...I'm very emotional and cry at the drop of a hat.

The thing is...as much as teaching just isn't doing it for me anymore, it's comfortable. I'm not great with change. I'm actually quite shy. As awesome, funny, and fun-loving as I know you all think that I am, it actually takes me a while to open myself up to a new group. I also truly love the people I work with. They have been SO wonderful to me over the last few years. They have been such an amazing support (financially, spiritually, and emotionally). They helped me through my Leukemia diagnosis. They've never blinked an eye when I've had to take time off or leave early for Dr.'s appointments or medical procedures. They helped us when Kevin lost his job. They are an amazingly wonderful group of women that it would be very hard to leave.

So...long story, long...I would LOVE to get your advice/thoughts/encouragement/suggestions, etc.

Thanks!

Dear So and So...

OK, so this is not an original idea of mine by any means. I've seen several of the blogs that I follow do posts like this...I guess it's my turn. Usually they are sarcastic rants, and some of mine are, too. However, I may have some equally snarky but less negative ones as well. Here goes...


Dear Crappy Linoleum Floor,

I am so tired of having to look at you every day. You're faded, ugly, scratched up, scuffed up, and even if I mop or scrub on my hands and knees, you ALWAYS look dirty!! Even the Shark steam mop wouldn't work on you...I guess it only works on floors that aren't the cheapest ever made.

Frustrated and Slightly Disgusted,
Cakes



Dear Mason,

How is it that you can look SO impossibly cute when you're being naughty?! How is it that you can still tell me that I look beautiful when my hair looks like Rita Rudner's, I have no makeup on, and I'm sitting on the toilet?! How is it that you don't like ANY fruits?! I can understand not liking vegetables, but fruits, too?! I mean, you actually threw up when trying to eat a grape. A grape!!

Flabbergasted,
Mommy



Dear Laundry,

I don't mind gathering you, sorting you, washing you, and drying you. But I REALLY don't like folding you or putting you away. I don't know what it is! It's not like it's hard, I just don't like it. Folding you and putting you away is right up there with cleaning the bathrooms for me...I can't explain it.

It's not you...it's me,
Cakes



Dear Hannah,

How are you growing up so fast?! You're going to be a 2nd grader soon...I can't believe it! For someone who's so smart and loves learning so much, why is it that when I try to teach you something (or even work with you on homework) it suddenly becomes this huge chore that you don't want to do?! You have a sense of humor that I love, but you also have your father's ability to push my buttons.

Amazed,
Mommy



Dear TV,

I know this dependency I have for you may be considered sad by some, but I don't see it that way. Watching so much of you helps make grading papers, folding laundry, doing lesson plans, etc. not quite so miserable. Thank you for making my Thursday nights so enjoyable for so many years (from the Cosby Show to Friends to Grey's Anatomy and Community). Thank you for giving me something to look forward to almost every night of the week. Thank you for giving me reasons to laugh and excuses to cry.

Hopelessly (maybe even sadly) Devoted,
Cakes



Dear Dog Next Door,

Do you really have to bark ALL of the time?! Do your owners not know how annoying you are? Or are they just as annoyed by you as we are, which gives them no other solution than to stick you outside and share their annoyance with the world? Is that why you're so mean and angry? Is that why you like to scare kids? I'm sorry your owners won't let you inside very much, I really am. But I'm even more sorry that we have to pay the price. Will you PLEASE STOP BARKING?!

Your Annoyed Neighbor,
Cakes

I Remember...

Here are just a few random memories from various stages in my life.....


~ how in 5th grade, all of the girls had a crush on the first boy to get hair on his legs...because that made him so mature!

~ being SO excited every time we were going to drive to South Dakota to visit our cousins and Aunts and Uncles. We always had such a good time. Now it's been 6 years since I've seen any of them, but I'm still excited about seeing them in June!

~ driving with Dad to go do jobs with him. If the radio got turned down, it meant there was going to be "a talk"....so it was best to lean your head against the window so you could pretend to be asleep in an attempt to avoid those conversations.

~ how from 5th grade on, ever year Mom and Dad would tell us we were probably going to move out of town to live on the ranch. So every year, I would say good-bye to my friends (yes, I had some)...and then nothing ever happened. Finally around 8th grade, I stopped believing it would ever happen...and I was right.

~ going to my friends after having my first kiss and asking them if it was really supposed to be like that, and feeling such relief when they said that no, it was most definitely not supposed to be like that.

~ going on my first date with Kevin to one of the local clubs, which was not where I told my parents we were going. I was actually old enough to get in, but I didn't know that until after I tried to get in by telling the doorman that I left my ID at home. When the dude finally told me that he just needed to see something that showed I was at least 17 years old, I said, "Oh, OK!"...and showed him my license. I know...I was smooth.

~ going dancing with the girls at a club in Port Aransas and seeing this transvestite that we all found it hard to take our eyes off of. He/she had suckered this chubby nerdy man into dancing with him/her several times throughout the night. He/she would lay on the table and kick his/her legs in the air while wearing a short denim skirt. When he/she wasn't dancing with that poor schmuck, he/she would dance on a pole. Well...it was an unfinished wood, square support beam that he/she was using as a pole. I don't know how he/she wasn't covered in splinters!


If any of you remember any of these, please leave a comment with any added details or memories from your prospective...

Favorite Things (part 2)...

I'm continuing my positive thoughts from a few weeks ago...a list/discussion of some more of my favorite things. I enjoy them...and of course you enjoy reading what I have to say about them, so here we go!

~ Stand Up Comedy...the good ones ~
My all-time favorites include: Eddie Izzard...Dress to Kill (very crude, but very funny...whether it's what he says, or how he says it, or what he looks like when he says it, it all works together), Ellen DeGeneres...Here and Now (so funny, because it's so true...I can't use a public restroom, eat popcorn at a movie, or get a pickle out of a jar without thinking of it), Bill Cosby...Himself (this one, although I always thought it was funny, I never truly appreciated it until after I had kids), and Dane Cook...Vicious Circle (I know there are some Dane Cook haters out there, but I don't care...this one's funny...crude again, but very funny).

~ Animated Movies ~
I'm a big fan of most animated movies (not animae, and there are a few Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks exceptions). I usually get just as excited as the kids (if not more) when new ones come out. I love the innocence, music, and magical quality of the old school ones like: Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and Beauty & the Beast. I love the laugh-out-loud humor of the newer ones like: Finding Nemo and Kung Fu Panda. And I love the creativity and/or sweetness of ones like: Toy Story, The Incredibles, and Up.

~ Church ~
There is something about the feeling I get when I go to mass...a feeling a peace, well-being, and hopefulness. I find the sense of tradition involved in mass very comforting. And when I get to help out as a Eucharistic Minister (when I get to help with communion), I truly feel like I am part of the mass, and I feel blessed to be able to share it with everyone else. We still don't really know anyone at our church...we have yet to make friends there. But I still enjoy going, and I enjoy sharing it with my kids...even when they don't necessarily enjoy it. I know us "crazy Catholics" seem weird to some of you, but we shouldn't. We're just Christians like you are. Yes, we have certain prayers that we all learn and say...but we also pray our own prayers from our hearts. No, we don't pray TO Mary...we are simply asking her to pray for us, like you would ask any friend to.

~ Board Games ~
No, they don't necessarily have to have boards...but you know, not video games. I guess my love for board games all goes back to when I was growing up. I have very many wonderful memories associated with different games. For example: playing Parcheesi with my friend Jennifer and her Mom (I also remember playing her Ouija Board and freaking out when we did), being bored with and losing at Monopoly (it just took forever to play), Brad's friends announcing (unrehearsed and in unison) when playing Taboo that the one thing Jaime would never get was "a date", Josh and I having a virtually unbeatable connection when we're on the same team, the image of Dad so happily pretending to put on pantyhose when playing Guesstures, Joel giving Dad a lap dance while playing Guesstures, Josh drawing a very inappropriate picture under the guise of it being "a raccoon's tail" in Pictionary, and the list of memories could go on-and-on-and-on... I LOVE board games! Who's ready for a game night?!

Well that was fun, wasn't it?! That's all for now, but there may well be a part 3 in the not-so-distant future. I know, you can hardly wait!

Resolutions...

I've never been one for making New Year's Resolutions before. Maybe I set various goals throughout the year...maybe I'm just lazy...who knows?! But you know, if you never set goals then you never have to be disappointed when you don't reach them, right?

Seriously though, there are some things I'd like to work on:

~ Cooking/eating more healthily. I don't eat terribly as it is, but I could definitely use more fruits and vegetables (especially vegetables) in my diet.

~ Being even more sarcastic. I know...it's hard to imagine me being sarcastic at all. :)

~ Exercising...in some way...at least semi-regularly. I know I set my alarm 15 minutes early every day in the hopes that I might actually do something. But I'm going to try harder this year. No, really, I mean it!

~ Winning the lottery...or some other large cash prize. But really, I'm not greedy. I don't need a whole million dollars or anything, maybe just an extra 20K or so. That's not too much to ask, is it? :)

~ Being more active with the kids. I hate seeing their disappointment when I tell them that I'm not feeling well, or I'm tired. As true as those things are, I need to suck it up a bit more often.

~ Writing letters. As much as I love facebook, blogging, and email (and as much as I know everyone enjoys my messages and posts), there's something about getting mail that isn't a bill that is really nice. And maybe...just maybe some of the people I write will actually return the favor.


Well, that's just a few. And I may work on some more than others. But here's wishing everyone a (belated) Happy New Year!

:)