- (Now please keep in mind that I am by no means perfect...or anywhere near it. So while I'm writing these "rules", please know that they're actually more like goals/reminders for myself. Some of them I feel like I'm doing a pretty decent job with...some of them not so much...some of them not at all. But hey, I'm a work in progress!)
1. Be the cheerleader of their lives. Go to the softball games and the football games. Wear their jerseys. Go to the band concerts and the piano recitals. Wear buttons with pictures of them in their band uniforms. Make photo albums, blogs, shutterfly books, trophy shelves, at-home art galleries. Show their boyfriends/girlfriends the pictures, awards, trophies. Learn the words to the songs they write and sing along with their garage band.
Sure, they will ask you to stop and tell you they're embarrassed. But they will know that there is at least one person who is always rooting for them.
2. Teach them to show respect...for themselves and for others. They need to know and use their manners. A well placed "yes ma'am"," no sir", "please", and or "thank you" can go a long way. They need to be proud of themselves...and make sure they're doing things to be proud of. And they need to know the difference between that good self-esteem and arrogance.
- 2.a. Teach your daughter modesty. Now, I'm not a prude. I'm not saying long sleeves, long pants, and turtle necks. But I am saying that: shorts should be shorts...not slightly bigger underwear, shirts and pants can be fitted without being painted on, cleavage (whether in the front or the back) is rarely necessary. Her body is a temple, and it should be displayed as such.
- 2.b. Teach your son to be a gentleman. Yes, women are independent, but I think even the most independent woman will still enjoy the occasional door being opened for them. Gentlemen do not wear their pants half-way down their a$ses. Gentlemen (while still being men who will look at the women who were not taught modesty as a child) want a woman who has enough respect for herself not to flaunt everything she's got all the time. They want a woman who knows how to look sexy without looking trashy.
3. Read to them...read with them...read around them. It has been said that "Children become readers on the laps of their parents". So, yes, you will have to read the same book over and over...and listen to them read that same book over and over to you. Yes, you will have to read (and listen to) books about bugs and robots, princesses and fairies, trucks and motorcycles, kittens and ponies, and LOTS of other things you don't care about.
4. Teach them to be independent. This means not doing everything with them/for them. Let them play by themselves. Let them clean their own rooms (no, it won't be perfect). Teach them to do the laundry, vacuum the floor, do the dishes, cook, etc. Yes, often times this will mean that you have to go back and do it again to get it done right, or that you have to leave well enough alone so that they can take pride in their work. But practice makes
5. Teach them to have a sense of humor. Let them see you laugh at yourself so that they know they can laugh at themselves. Teach them the difference between "jokes" that are usually contrived and not really all that funny and finding the humor in real life. When they are old enough, start letting them watch some stand-up comics (starting with people like Bill Cosby, Ellen Degeneres, and/or Jerry Seinfeld) and they will see that they don't tell "jokes". They tell stories and share scenarios, and relive parts of their own lives. The more real it is, the funnier it is. Teach them the difference between sarcasm and being mean.
6. Teach your daughter never to allow herself to be someone's property. People abuse and mistreat their property. They take it for granted. They neglect it. They control it. That is not what you want for your daughter.
- 6.a. Tell your daughter that you will disown her if she ever wears shorts that proclaim her to be someone's property.
(Of course I'm kidding about the disowning part, but I couldn't resist stealing this from another blogger.)
7. Teach them to TALK about their feelings...not eat them, starve them, purge them, bury them, or hurt other people with them. Let them know that they can ALWAYS talk to you about how they are feeling. Let them know that if they don't want to or can't talk to you, that they can ALWAYS let you help them find someone they feel like they can talk to. Teach them that if it helps them, they can express their feelings through writing, art, dance, music, sports, etc.
8. Encourage them to dance. Whether this is dance class (ballet, tap, hip-hop, etc.) or free-style, just get their bodies moving. Whether they are "good" or not, just help them find the rhythm. Whether they want to show you all of their sweet, sweet moves or dance in their rooms with the doors closed, just let it happen.
9. Give them a love of music. Yes, this may start by listening to things like Baby Einstein, The Imagination Movers, and Laurie Berkner. Yes, this will morph into listening to things like Taylor Swift, Justin Beiber, and One Direction. However, let's remember who's driving the car...thus, who's in control of the radio! Listen to as wide of a variety as you can. For me this includes: rap, rock, pop, country, oldies, metal, hip-hop, ballads, classical, movie scores/soundtracks, music from my childhood, music that is popular now, etc. How are kids going to know what they like and find the music that is "them", if all they're ever exposed to is the same 6 songs that are played over and over on the radio, nickelodeon, or the disney channel. Variety, after all, is the spice of life!
- 9.a. Encourage them to play an instrument. Maybe this will just be something as simple as piano lessons or playing the recorder in elementary school. Maybe this will be something as awesome as playing guitar or drums and being in a band/writing their own music. Maybe this will be the slightly nerdier, but still hella-fun school marching band. Whatever it is...it's another creative outlet and another form artistic self expression, which is important.
- 9.b. Encourage them to sing. Now, I know I'm not going to be the next American Idol or anything, but I certainly don't let that stop me from getting my Mariah Carey on in the car. I'm pretty positive the kids love hearing me sing, as well! So whether you have a voice like an angel or you can't carry a tune in a bucket, set an example that it just doesn't matter. Sing with them and have them put on concerts and sing to you. Music is such a powerful form of expression. Sure, sometimes it's just fun. But sometimes you can find that song that says what you're feeling better than you ever could have and it gives you a voice...it lets you know that someone else has felt the same way. And I think that is very important for children.
10. Foster their imaginations. Let them play with Legos (and after they build what the directions say to build, throw them out)...you'll truly be amazed at what they can create. Let them draw/color/paint...with coloring books and without (there is a time for creativity and originality, but there's nothing wrong with learning to color inside the lines).
11. Teach your son what a skank is and how to avoid them. Again, a little snarky here (and one that I stole)...but you can't tell me you would want your son to bring this girl home, can you?
He can (and should...and had better) do better.
12. Learn to love sports...or at least learn how to fake it. No, sports are not for everyone. But I highly encourage you to introduce your children to as many different sports as you can so that they can maybe find one they enjoy. It will be important for you to know a little bit about that sport, and seeing as how your baby will be playing it, it will be hard not to love (unless, of course, they choose soccer). Exercise is so important, and they don't get nearly enough of it in school, so it's up to you. Baseball, gymnastics, football, swimming, volleyball, dance, tennis, golf, whatever. Just get them active and get excited about what they're excited about.
13. Teach them to love God and to know that God loves them. Always. No matter what. It will help them live with integrity. It will help their self-esteem. It will help them do and stand up for what's right.
14. Let them lose...and teach them HOW to lose. Because they WILL lose. That's life. And losing sucks. And sometimes so does life. Let them lose when you play games, but teach them how to do it gracefully. Let them feel crappy when their team loses the big game, but teach them sportsmanship. Lift them up, but keep it real. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) Make sure they understand that - sometimes they will win - but sometimes (lots of times) they will lose...but that doesn't mean they ever give up.
15. Give them a love of helping others. There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.
16. Teach your daughter to avoid those teen magazines...or at least not take them too seriously. There is just so much pressure on girls these days to look or act a certain way. It's just too much.
17. Teach your son that it's OK to cry...but let's not get carried away. If he's really hurt (physically or emotionally) or intensely moved by something, cry away. But crying over having to eat salad?! Or crying about not being able to wear camouflage shorts and flip-flops to church?! (Can you tell, I'm speaking from experience here? I'm trying really hard to get the "cry-baby" out of him.)
18. Let their Dad teach them how to do things. Let him be the example to your son of how to be a gentleman. Let him be the example to your daughter of how a lady should be treated. (Sure, you might have to tell him what to do, or go back and give your two cents later, but the quality time will be well worth it in the end.) Have him teach them how to build things and use tools. Have him teach them how to fix things. Have him teach them how to change a tire and check the oil.
19. Show them what it means to be in a marriage...in a relationship. Let them hear you tell each other, "I love you". Let them hear you call each other your pet-names. Let them see you disagree. Let them see you apologize. Let them see you kiss, hug, and flirt (as much as it will gross them out...besides, that's part of the fun of it). Let them see you play and be silly. Let them see you work together: share some chores, say please and thank you, pay bills, and help each other out. Let them see you do things on your own. Let them see you do small things for each other.
20. Play with them. Play games. Watch movies together. Have private jokes. Go for family bike rides or walks. Have picnics at the park. Build forts with them. Teach them how to take turns and how to work as a team. Be silly. LAUGH!
21. Hug them and kiss them. Do this as much as you can for as long as you can. Savor these moments. There will be times when they don't want you to. And that's fine. Because there will be many more when they do. There will be a time when they are "too old" or "too cool". And it will be your job to go with it, but remind them (out of sight of their friends) that you are always older and cooler. While they may get fewer and farther between, the hugs and kisses will never stop coming!
22. Be their safe haven. Home is where the heart is and you are home to them. When they learn to walk, they will wobble a away from you and then come back. When they try something new, they will look for your proud smile. When they are sick, they will call for you. When they have their first date, they will look to you. When they really screw things up, they will turn to you. When they really do something great, they will be eager to share it with you. When they are grown and away from home and they don't know what else to do, they will call you. When they get married, get homes and children of their own, you will still be their mother; home base, a safe place, someone who has always and will always be there for them.
No comments:
Post a Comment