Chicken Vagina...

Ok, due to a sheer lack of brain power left for anything other than nonsense, I thought I would devote an entire blog post to something that I've mentioned several times in passing: mistaken lyrics.

Some of you might remember the story of my mom mistaking the Barenaked Ladies lyric, "Chickety China, the Chinese Chicken" for "Chicken Vagina the Chinese Chicken" and her shock and horror after hearing it. But I have a few others that I can't remember if I've posted on here or not.

But first, I have a link for a wonderful song for which almost none of the words are understandable (which allows for a rather hillarious and random translation)...Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam.


Much to Young by Garth Brooks = I heard "lonely women and baboons" but it was actually "lonely women and bad booze".

If I Didn't Have You by Randy Travis = I heard "I'd be floundering around like chimpanzee" but it was actually "I'd be floundering around like a ship at sea".

Don't Stop Believin' by Journey = Hannah heard "the smell of wine and sheep buffoon" but it was actually "the smell of wine and cheap perfume".


So that' it for me. I'm keeping it short and sweet today. But I'd LOVE it if you would post some of your own mistaken lyrics.

Go for it!

Positive Thinking...

Ahhh.....the power of positive thinking...

"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." ~The Little Engine That Could

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me." ~Stewart Smalley (SNL)

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it might annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright



As I sit at home recovering from a long day that was capped off by Meet the Teacher Night, I am forced to acknowledge the fact that summer is really over...that a new school year is really starting. And as I consider the fact that my 7th year of teaching is about to begin, I realize that I am left with two options: I can dread it and fret over it and think about how trying it will be, OR I can think about how great it's going to be to see my friends each day and how fortunate I am to have a job like this. And since I am typically a "glass half-full" kind of girl, I'm going with positive thinking.

SO, how about this:

~Instead of thinking about how I have 20 kids to reign in on a daily basis, I can think about how those 20 kids are giving me a much needed escape from my own kids.

~Instead of thinking about how many papers I'm going to have to grade, I can think about how it will give me something to do while baseball season drags on.

~Instead of thinking about all of the paperwork that has to be done in a given year, I can think about all of the opportunities I'll have to improve my handwriting.

~Instead of thinking about dealing with 20 sets of parents, I can think about getting in good enough with 20 sets of parents to get some pretty decent gifts.

~Instead of thinking about how I'll be out of the house for 10-11 hours a day, I can think about how Hannah and Mason will be out of the house for that long, too...which hopefully means less mess. (I mean as long as I have postivite thinking, I might as well throw in some wishful thinking, too!)

~Instead of thinking about how incredibly worn out I'm going to be, I can think about how at least now I'll actually have an excuse for not getting things done around the house.


Seriously, though, I am going to think positive thoughts about this year. It's a fresh start and a new beginning. Now that doesn't mean I'm not going to gripe and complain from time to time (oh, trust me, I will), but as for now I'm going to focus on my mantra for the year, "It's gonna be great." Nothing fancy, no bells and whistles. Just something short and sweet that I can say over and over again if needed: It's gonna be great...it's gonna be great...it's gonna be great.

Do any of you have any positive thoughts to share (instead of thinking ___, I can think ___)?

Come on...you know you want to...

Just Feeling Snarky...

So, I thought about doing something deep and insightful (cuz, you know, I'm a pretty insightful person), but I thought better of it. I'm just in the mood to be snarky, so here we go...



Dear Summer,

I have such split feelings about you. While I love not having to work and being able to get some color back on my pasty-white skin, I just can't stand this heat! So I'm torn. Part of me is saying, "Summer, please stay", because I'm just not ready to go back to work. But the other part of me is saying, "For crying out loud! I'm SO tired of sweating!!"

Confused and Sweaty,
Cakes



Dear Football Season,

I'm SO glad you're back! I can't wait to see what you have in store. I don't want to jinx anything, so I'll just leave it at "How 'bout them Cowboys?!" and "Hook 'em Horns!"

Excited and Hopeful,
Cakes



Dear Sinus Infection,

Please go away. I really don't like only being able to breathe out of one nostril...it's quite annoying. My head hurts, my nose is raw, and how much snot could really be in there anyway. I mean, really?! Ugh...

Stuffy and Whiny,
Cakes



Dear Fall TV,

I'm counting down the days. There are only so many Rangers Games and Wipeout shows (which I do actually enjoy) that I can watch. But there's just nothing else on! I mean, you can't actually expect me to do anything productive rather than watch TV, can you?

Ready and Waiting,
Cakes



Well, I guess that's enough for now. If you have sarcasm you'd like to contribute, go right ahead!

Live From New York...

Yes, Saturday Night Live has been around for what seems like forever. Yes, there have been times when it sucked (OK, maybe a lot of times). But there have also been a lot of times when it did its job and made me laugh. Here are some of my favorites (some of the few that I could actually find clips for anyway) from the old school to the new school...and in between. I've got them organized by actor...check 'em out!


~ Will Ferrell: Ah, as I'm sure Mom would agree, there are just too many to choose from! I'll give it my best shot and just pick a few. How about Jeopardy, Cowbell, Hot Tub, and many, many others!

~ Val Kilmer: I know, I know...not who you usually think of when you think SNL, but he did an episode in 2000 that had a couple of gems! Unfortunately, there is only one clip available online. The one that I was not able to find was Behind the Music: Rock and Roll Heaven. It was all about dead rock stars in heaven with people like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Buddy Holly, and Jim Morrison (played by Kilmer). He put together this super band and Will Ferrell played Jesus (head of the record label in Heaven), and when he heard the band, he was like "Oh my Dad!" Anyway, the one I did find was the Iceman sketch.

~Amy Poehler: I really enjoyed her on the short lived reoccurring sketch, Appalachian Emergency Room, but once again, I couldn't find any clips for you. But there's always Kaitlyn (you know, the annoying girl with her step-dad, Rick), and one legged Amber.

~Alec Baldwin: Schweddy Balls....need I say more? And what about this one?

~Chris Farley: Here are some classics...Van Down by the River, and Chipendales.

~Justin Timberlake: No, he's not a cast member, but he never fails to crack me up: Plasticville, Single Ladies, and perhaps the best skit ever (right, mom?)...D*** in a Box!

~ Miscellaneous: Landshark, McGruber, Debbie Downer

The Power of Prayer...

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." ~Matthew 7:7-8

I actually started typing this post on Saturday night. When I got to church on Sunday, that same Bible verse was part of the gospel reading. Our priest said his homily (sermon) all about prayer: it's many forms (spoken, silent, going to church, the act of helping others, etc.), and how it is essentially just time spent "hanging out with God" in one way or another. I am taking that as a sign that I am right on track...this is the post that I should be doing (focusing on the verbal aspect of prayer). So let me continue...

I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I have seen it work wonders. And as the scripture says, I believe our prayers (whether big or small) will be answered in one way or another at some time or another. Now, sometimes our prayers may not be answered in the way we wanted them to be, but I have to trust in God's plan, because I have also seen how that plan (however different it may have been than mine) has worked wonders, too. There are things that we can't understand or explain...and there are things that are so unspeakably hard, that all we have left is prayer and faith in God. That being said, I've always figured that the more people you have praying for something, the better. So, I'd like to use this as kind of a prayer chain. If you have any specific prayer intentions you would like some help with (whether big or small), just add them as a comment, and we can all start praying.

As always, I'll get the ball rolling...

**A very dear friend of mine has a cousin whose son has been battling cancer for some time now. After getting to enjoy his Make a Wish trip together, the doctors told them that his cancer spread and is incurable. Please pray for this family during this unimaginable time.

**For all those who have gone before us: Francis Roth, Don and Irene Mason, Pam Huber, Bob and Beth Prickett, Jimmy Prickett, sweet Reagan, Teena Wood, Art Lantzy, and many others...

**

Fill Ins...

So, in honor of my fun new background, I wanted to have a fun new post. Now, I've seen some other blogs do "Friday Fill-Ins" posts before. But since it's not Friday, I won't use one of the "Friday Fill-Inn" pictures. And since I've never really found one that I wanted to take part in, I'll just kind of pick and choose some of my favorites and add some of my own. For those of you who don't know, all you do is copy the "fill-in" promts and post them in a comment using your answers to "fill in" the blanks.

Here we go:

1) _______ is/are the food that most reminds me of my spouse/significant other.

2) I've always wanted to ________.

3) I laugh every time I see ________.

4) When I think about my childhood, I often remember ________.

5) ________ was in my thoughts today.

6) My dad always said ________.

7) I could use a ________.

8) The smell of ________ makes me think of ________.

9) Friends don't let friends ________.

10) ________ never fails to make me smile.

So, here are mine...

1) Sandwiches are the food that most reminds me of my spouse. (Not only does he enjoy eating a good sandwich, but he is an awesome sandwich maker! He makes special sauces and just makes really unique and always delicious ones.)

2) I've always wanted to go on a cruise. (And I figure the best way to do it would be with a big group of families. You could have your own family time, group time, date time, whatever. One of these years, it'll happen...)

3) I laugh every time I see that Orbitz chewing gum commercial. (You know, the one where the 2 ladies are yelling at each other and calling each other names. And the one chick calls the other one a "lint licker". It's hillarious. If you don't believe me or don't know what I'm talking about, you can check out the link. You might not think it's funny, but it gets me every time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjQZCq8CTvk&feature=related )
4) When I think about my childhood, I often remember playing outside. (During the summer, we would just play outside and stay there until it started getting dark. I don't ever remember being bothered by the heat. But these days kids (yes, my own as well) are just so sensitive to the heat.)

5) School was in my thoughts today. (As much as I don't want to think about it, and as much as I love spending every minute of every day with my own kids (did you sense the sarcasm?), school is getting closer and closer.)

6) My dad always said "When you're hot, you're hot...when you're not, you're not...and when you're snot, you're slippery." (OK, so maybe he didn't ALWAYS say it, but whenever he did, it always got a chuckle out of me. I know...it doesn't take much, does it?)

7) I could use a little bit of liposuction. (Nah, I'm just joking. But I have ordered an exercise DVD set, and will be starting it soon. I'm not telling you what it is, yet. But I'm hoping that just the very act of going from doing nothing to doing something will have a positive affect on all of my jiggles.)

8) The smell of chlorine makes me think of the time spent at the Fairway Oaks pool when I was too young to be self-conscious. (Ah, good times. Back when pools had actual deep ends and diving boards.)

9) Friends don't let friends have saggy boobs. (A good friend of mine had to have a bra intervention with another good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless)...her "girls" were much perkier after that.)

10) My kids never fail to make me smile. (Even though they sure know how to pull out all of the annoying stops, they are pretty sweet and funny...and generally good kids.)


Now, it's your turn. You don't have to elaborate like I did (I do tend to be a bit wordy), you can feel free to just simply fill in the blanks. By the way, what do you think of my new background? Is it "me"?

Baby Fever...

I'll start with a short little parody of Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher":

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I got baby fever.
(guitar/drum break)
I've got it bad, SO bad,
I got baby fever!

So, there it is. I've had it for a while now (about a year), but it's been particularly strong in the last couple of months. I just can't get babies off of my mind. They seem to be everywhere I turn! Sometimes it will be cute babies at stores, church, or restaurants. Sometimes it will be pregnant women left and right (even friends and co-workers that I'm super excited for...and maybe a little bit jealous of). Now that both of my kids will be in school, I guess it's only natural. But still....as I said before, I've got it bad.

To make matters worse, the kids have a bit of baby fever, too. They've been playing with Hannah's dolls more frequently. Hannah keeps saying how she wishes she had a baby sister and Mason, of course, is wishing he had a baby brother. They've asked why I don't want more kids. I've tried to explain that I'd love to have another baby...that I always wanted to have more than 2 kids. But I just can't right now...that the medicine I have to take won't let me have another baby. You know how there memories are, though...they can't seem to remember, and they keep asking.

For those of you who don't already know, the medicine I'm taking is an oral chemotherapy drug. It is designed to target out any rapidly multiplying cells. This is great for destroying leukemia cells, but sadly, it would also have the same affect on a pregnancy. So, almost 4 years ago when I got diagnosed, Kevin and I accepted the fact that we would be a 2 child family for a while. (And we are SO incredibly blessed to have our 2 healthy kids.)

Anyhoo...the urge is there. As Yoda would say, "The force is strong with this one". Yes, there's always adoption. And I have always been very open to the idea of adoption. In fact, ever since seeing some 20/20 or 60 Minutes episode about Romanian orphanages where they were literally rolling in babies on bread trays...and babies that were old enough to sit up would just rock back and forth in their cribs, because they didn't have anyone to rock them, I've even half-joked about adopting a Romanian baby. Adoption, however, is expensive and not at all anything that we are in a position to do any time soon. Which brings us back to baby fever.

It's even playing a role in future career endeavors. I've been toying with the idea of going back to school and becoming a labor and delivery nurse. There's not really any other kind of nursing that I think I would like to do...maybe pediatric, but I still think labor and delivery would be my calling. But then I think, "Do I really want to be a nurse, or is it just that pesky baby fever talking"? I think it's too soon to tell.

But either way, I'm SO looking forward to working in the nursery at VBS in 2 weeks. That way, I can get my baby-fix. At least temporarily... :)