Life...

This blog post is the result of a bit of a stream-of-consciousness sort of day:  

• So this morning, I woke up and was feeling a bit under the weather.  No tutoring today.  Just taking it easy.  I wanted to blog since it's been a while, but I wasn't sure what to blog about.  So, I decided to watch The Greatest Showman.  I just love that movie...it really moves me.  I can't listen to the song, "This is Me" without crying.  It is such an empowering anthem for inclusion and acceptance...every person...flaws and all is precious and worthy.  

• From there, I thought about how all life is precious and how we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  I love that verse...and the one before it:  Psalm 139: 13-14.  When I was searching for an image, I found this song:

• This reminded me of Jeremiah 1:5, and I started thinking about how, although I'm not usually vocal about it, I dedicate a large percentage of my prayers to it, and I am pro-life to my core.  I was raised to believe in the sanctity of life.  I firmly believe in protecting the unborn.   As I was searching for an image for this verse, I found this song:

• But I also believe that no one is too far gone to receive God's grace, which is why I believe the death penalty is wrong.  I believe what Pope Benedict and Pope Francis said is true.  And as I was searching for these images, I found this song: 

                                            

• Then, for a while, I stopped searching and started praying.  I prayed a lot.  I prayed over the lives of the unborn, the lives of the living, the lives of the dying, the lives of those who have taken lives (of the unborn, the living, and the dying), all of their souls, and the souls of those who are already gone.  As I prayed, the word "compassion" kept coming to my mind.  How if each of us just lived compassionately each day (or even most days) this world would be a better place.  After all...all lives are worthy of compassion and forgiveness.    

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• From there, I thought about how compassion is really just another word for love.  And isn't that what we're all called to do?  Love one another?  Love your neighbor as yourself?  Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you?  And, once again, as I searched for these images I found another song:
  
  

  

  
  

  

So, what started as a diversion from a bit of writer's block turned into a blog post all about God, love, the sanctity of life, prayer, compassion, forgiveness, worthiness (and music).  That's pretty much what life is all about, isn't it?

Peace...

This verse is one of my very favorite bible verses about peace.  It really strikes a personal chord with me.  In the 14 years that I have been living with Leukemia, I can only remember 3 moments that I wasn't at peace about it:  

• the moment I was diagnosed...being at my appointment alone (since Kevin had taken Hannah (3) and Mason (1) to the pediatrician), having to be immediately admitted to the hospital and tell Kevin over the phone why he couldn't pick me up at the doctor's office.
• the moment after being diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension 11 years later when I got home from the ER and googled the disease that I knew nothing about 
• the moment a year after that when I was told my only 2 options were a clinical trial or a bone marrow transplant...both of which would be incredibly costly and straining on work and family

But within minutes/hours of each of those moments I was filled with a peace that definitely surpassed all understanding...even before knowing how lucky I would end up being.  I just knew that one way or another everything would be OK...even if it wasn't what I had in mind.  And by the grace of God:

• I have lived with Leukemia for 14 blessing-filled years on various medications with a few uncomfortable side effects and unpleasant procedures...all of which could have been so much worse.
• That scary pulmonary hypertension diagnosis was just a temporary side effect of a medication and was reversed, with treatment, in a year's time.  
• Those 2 scary options were based on errors in blood work, so it never came to that.  I was then lucky enough to have a year of medication free remission!  Then last year, around this time, the Leukemia showed up again in my blood work.  And after another year on a new medication, I have reached a medication induced remission!  I will continue to be on this medication, but remission (even if temporary, and even if requiring medication) is always an amazing thing!

I don't often speak about my opinions.  I tend to avoid conflict at all costs, and I fight my battles with prayer.  I believe in faith, hope, and love.  I believe in spreading joy and kindness.  I believe in looking for the good, and being the good if you can't find it.  I believe there's always light in the darkness, and I believe in finding Jesus in everyone.  I believe that these are difficult times and that these are the exact times we need to focus on God and prayer...and in doing so, we can find a peace that surpasses all understanding.  I believe that if we can find peace in personal times of trouble that we can find peace in global times of trouble, too. I believe in the prayer of St. Francis: 

17...

My sweet Hannah turned 17 today.  I know that 16 is typically a bigger deal, but this one is hitting me harder.  It's got me simultaneously reminiscing over her 17 years and my 17th year (which somehow truly doesn't seem that long ago).  So naturally, I've got some thoughts and feelings.

17 about 17...

1. Hannah, my firstborn, was born on a Friday 17 years ago.  We came home from the hospital on Sunday...my first Mother's Day.
2. 17 days later (I'm making that up, but it was right around then), I called my mom, crying because I couldn't get Hannah to stop crying.  I was convinced I was a terrible mother and was doomed to an eternity of tears from the both of us.  I don't remember exactly what Mom told me, but I distinctly remember hanging up the phone feeling better.  
3. We spent the next 17-ish months going through tons of batteries and having high water bills:  when she wasn't being held, she was in her vibrating bouncy chair in the bathroom with the faucets on full-blast and the exhaust fan on.  Then, she would be content.
4. And after 17 years on this earth, she still can't stand silence and always has to have TV or music on in the background.
5. 17 was a great year for me...I loved it!  I was a senior.  I got my first job.  I had my first boyfriend.  I graduated high school.  I fell in love.
6. Now, sure.  I was 3 months away from turning 18 when I started dating Kevin...and just a couple weeks shy of 18 when I knew I was in love, but the thought of Hannah meeting and falling in love with someone in the next year is more than slightly terrifying.  
7. There's something special about the age of 17.  You're (as Hannah would say) practically an "adult", but you still don't really have any responsibilities.  Hannah has a watch-list on Netlflix that fluctuates between things like Breaking Bad and things like Scooby Doo.
8. Maybe it's because it's that magic age that SO many songs have been written about being 17:
• Here's just a few:  Seventeen - Tim McGraw, Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks, I Saw Her Standing There - The Beatles, Dancing Queen - ABBA, Strawberry Wine - Deana Carter
9. It's Seventeen by Tim McGraw that is always the first one I think of.  Maybe it's because it came out right around the time I was falling in love (at 17) and the entire album it's on has huge sentimental value to Cakes and me.  Or maybe it's that lyric that I put at the top of this post:  when you're 17, you're "on the edge of everything" that adulthood and your future has to offer.
10. Hannah is so much stronger and more confident in herself and who she is (her strong-willed nature comes in handy sometimes) than I was at 17.
11. 17 ways to describe Hannah:  funny, stubborn, kind, pretty, loud, quiet, confident, shy, smart, playful, strong, determined, opinionated, spontaneous, thoughtful, sarcastic, amazing
12. My favorite songs from when I was 17 are still among my favorites.  I wonder if that's true for everyone?  Or was it just because 17 was such a big year for me?
13. I know every teenager feels like they're mature.  But even looking back, I feel like I was a really mature 17 year-old.  Hannah, of course, thinks she's pretty mature.  But I think that's one thing I had more of at 17 than her...maturity.  But maybe that's just what all parents think?
14. Over these last 17 years, Hannah has gone from being one of the roundest babies you've ever seen to one of the most lovely young ladies you've ever seen.
15. Over these last 17 years, Hannah has brought me to tears (big surprise, I know) SO many times:  tears of frustration, tears of joy, tears of laughter, tears of worry, and tears of pride.
16. Over these last 17 years, Hannah has been a wonderful mix of tom-boy and girly-girl:  she loves fishing and four-wheelers, but she also loves skin-care and pedicures.
17. While I hope that Hannah's 17th year won't be quite for her what it was for me, I pray that it is equally as happy, wonderful, and memorable.  Love and prayers for a joyfully blessed year, sweet girl.  Happy Birthday, Hannah!!

Time...

These are crazy, uncertain times right now.  Those of us staying at home find ourselves with an abundance of time:  time for family, time for worry, time for fun, time for prayer, time for togetherness, time for isolation.  In honor of all of this time we have on our hands, here is a collection of thoughts about, songs about, quotes about, and movies about time.

• Turn, Turn, Turn! - The Byrds
• Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
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• Time is on My Side - The Rolling Stones
• Time Travel - I've always loved movies (and after learning to love reading in my adult years, books) about time travel.  
• Who doesn't love the Back to the Future series?!
• The Lake House
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
• The Time Traveler's Wife
• X-Men:  Days of Future Past
• About Time - If you haven't see this one, you seriously should...I just love it!
• Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
• 13 Going on 30
• 17 Again
• Arrival
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• 9,986,000 Minutes - This scene in The Office where they are saying goodbye to Michael gets me every time.
• Do You Remember the Time - Go back to simpler times...and just enjoy this song.  I remember being so excited when he would release a new video (Thriller started it all, Smooth Criminal, Black or White, etc).  These were epic moments growing up.
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• The Time of My Life - Bill Medley - I mean, come on! 
• And for an added bonus:  
• The passing of time - I've also always loved watching things that show the passage of time
• Forrest Gump
• Mr. Holland's Opus
• Frequency
• Biopics, etc.
• long-running tv shows
• LOST
• the finale of Parks and Rec
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• Garth Brooks has so many amazing songs that relate to time (and his Vegas show and recent stadium tour were 2 of my all-time favorite concerts...and 2 of my all-time favorite moments with friends)
• If Tomorrow Never Comes
• The Dance
• Unanswered Prayers
• We Shall be Free
• and many more...
• A Time to Kill - not really a movie about time, but a great movie with time in the title (and why not use some of this time we have watching Matthew McConaughey).
• And of course, some Harry Potter quotes:
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What are some of your favorites thoughts, quotes, movies, and/or songs about time?

One Word...

We all know that words have power.  Even one word, when chosen wisely, can be a powerful thing.

I've posted before about not ever really being big on New Year's Resolutions.  I just feel that they really set people up for failure.  But maybe that's just because I'm weak and lazy.  Oh well.  With that being said, I do believe in goal setting.  I've had one word goals at school to guide my year before, but this year I'm following the example of others that I've seen on facebook and choosing a word to guide my year both personally and professionally.  My word for 2020 is:  INTENTIONAL.  I want to be more intentional with a lot of things; including, but not limited to:  keeping my faith, keeping in touch, parenting, relationship building, differentiating instruction, etc.

And on another note (because who doesn't love a good get-to-know-you questionnaire)... Answer these questions with just one word:

1. What’s the first thing you grab for in the morning? phone

2. Who do you hope people notice most about you? kindness

3. What is your biggest weakness? laziness

4. What is your biggest strength? positivity

5. High school? awesome

6. Adjective that best describes you when you’re drunk. loud

7. A place you want to go? NewEngland

8. Beaches or snow? Beaches

9. Pet peeve? entitlement

10. What is one personality trait you simply have no time for? pretentiousness

11. Do you believe in something after death? definitely

12. How does someone instantaneously get on your good side? humor

13. How about your bad side? rudeness

14. Coffee or tea? coffee

15. What is your love language? acts

16. Do you believe in ghosts? yes

17. Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram? facebook

18. Odd numbers or even numbers? even

19. Are you more right brained or left brained? right

20. Do you think opposites truly attract? sometimes

21. What is your Hogwarts house? Hufflepuff

22. Do you think chemistry is instant or grows with time? both

23. Describe your relationship with your significant other. delightful